Let’s talk about something we don’t talk about enough: herpes.
For something that is so common, herpes carries a surprising amount of shame. Saying “I have a cold sore” usually doesn’t cause much of a reaction. But saying “I have genital herpes” can feel like a very different conversation. One filled with embarrassment, fear of rejection and questions about what someone might think of you.
But medically, herpes is a virus, much like having a cold. It’s something your body can carry, sometimes without symptoms, and it doesn’t define who you are.
There are two main types of herpes simplex virus (HSV): HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 is often associated with cold sores, while HSV-2 is more commonly associated with genital herpes. But the line between the two isn’t as clear as we might think: both types can cause genital herpes, for example, through oral sex. And herpes is very common. The World Health Organization estimates that around 64% of people under 50 worldwide have HSV-1. Around 520 million people aged 15–49 are living with HSV-2. Many people don’t even know they have it because they have no symptoms or only very mild ones. Some people experience herpes outbreaks frequently, while others might never experience one or may only have one or two in their lifetime. So, if so many people have it, why does it still feel like such a big secret, and how did this secret occur?
How did the stigma start?
Herpes has been around for thousands of years, and until the 1970s, it was often considered a relatively minor and common infection. As societies began to talk more about sexually transmitted infections, these infections became increasingly connected to ideas about sex, morality and personal responsibility. Having an STI was often seen as evidence of being promiscuous, irresponsible or “dirty”, rather than simply having an infection.
Herpes became part of this conversation because it could be transmitted through sexual contact and, unlike some other common infections, remains in the body for life. The fact that it can be passed on without visible symptoms can also make people feel as though they have something to hide.
The way herpes was talked about in the 1970s and 1980s reinforced these ideas. Around the same time, the first effective antiviral treatment, acyclovir, was developed and introduced as Zovirax. Pharmaceutical advertising and media coverage brought genital herpes more into the public spotlight, often emphasising its recurrent and lifelong nature and its potential impact on relationships and sex. This did not create the stigma on its own, but it helped amplify fears and associations that were already there.
So the stigma surrounding herpes is mostly a reflection of the way we have learned to think and talk about sex, STIs and morality.
So why does the stigma still exist?
A big part of the answer is probably the words “sexually transmitted.” Once herpes becomes associated with sex, it can also become associated with ideas about being promiscuous, irresponsible or “dirty”. Suddenly, a virus becomes a judgement about the person who has it. We don’t usually question someone’s character when they have a cold sore. But when the same family of viruses is found genitally, the conversation can become completely different. The virus hasn’t changed. The meaning we attach to it has.
Research has linked herpes stigma with shame, anxiety, fear of rejection and difficulties talking about it with partners. For some people, the psychological impact can be more difficult than the physical symptoms themselves. Of course, herpes should still be taken seriously. It can cause painful outbreaks and can be transmitted even when there are no visible symptoms. But there is a difference between taking a virus seriously and being ashamed of having it. Having herpes doesn’t tell us anything about someone’s hygiene, morals, number of sexual partners or worth. It tells us one thing: they have a very common virus.
It’s time we stopped treating herpes like a secret and started talking about it like what it actually is. Herpes is a virus. The shame around it is something we created, and something we can change.
